she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
