As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You made out with two different species that night
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
