God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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