it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
