i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
