Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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