you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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