u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
