His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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