He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Acid is not a monday night drug
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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