dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
