So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
