God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
