i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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