while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
