You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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