did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
