Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think I died a long time ago.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
