And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
