I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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