my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
