I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
