Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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