Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
