he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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