At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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