I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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