You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
