"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
