Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
