What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
