Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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