I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
