I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
