i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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