what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
