so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
