She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
