I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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