He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
