absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
