Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
