Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
