I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
