We're facebook friends in real life
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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