Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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