your parents love me but you hate me
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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