We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
