My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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