he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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