singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
