I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
