eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
