i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
