Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
