How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
