don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
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Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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