kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
