I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
