Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
