I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize