so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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