Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
