The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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