I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
