I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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