We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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