I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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