Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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